Stuck in Neutral

Crackle-crackle-crackle.  My seizure starts to take over my body. I slide down into my chair as my mother runs over to me and tried to calm my body. She yells for my dad, and as he is running over. I can’t hear their voices at all. I’m flying free; I can see everything. Nobody is calling me a vegetable or a retard, just Shawn. I don’t know what my dad is going to do when I come back out of this seizure, if I come out of it. All I know is that my dad wants to kill me. He thinks I’m suffering. The truth is I really like living, even though I can’t move one single muscle in my whole body. Inside I am probably the smartest kid at the school I go to, but no one knows it.

 I start to come out of my seizure, but this time I don’t fall asleep. I am fully conscious, but my vision is a little bit blurry. I can hear voices, my whole family is there. I can tell that my mom and Cindy were both crying; by the way they were talking to each other. The only voice I couldn’t hear was Paul’s. I guess he left.

My dad had asked my mom and Cindy if he could be alone with me for a moment; of course they said yes. I could see my dad walk towards me, but he had something behind his back. Suddenly my eyes dart towards the window; I can’t see my dad any more. Now my vocalization is kicking in, all I can say is “Ahhhh.”

My eyes dart back to my dad; all I can see is a pillow. As he walks closer I try to scream but nothing comes out. He keeps coming. Closer and closer. He stops and sits down on the floor next to me, and starts to talk to me. “Shawn, you do know that I love you right? I don’t want to do this, but it just seems right to me. I know I can end up in prison for this; but I have to.”

My vocalization is kicking in again. “Ahhhhhh.”  I want to say more but I can’t.  My brain just doesn’t work that way. My dad stands back up. He doesn’t try to suffocate me. It’s like what he said to me changed his mind about what he was going to do.

My mom comes into the room and tells my dad that we are going to eat dinner. She looks at me and smiles. My family is finally starting to come together.